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Your 15-year-old son cried when you asked him about a gay site he'd visited and you dodged asking him why. Asking may, however, reveal something which is already going on. Life just doesn't happen that way.Īsking a question doesn't make something happen. And that's magical thinking, born of anxiety.
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So, you're scared that if you probe your son's feelings, you'll be subtly giving him permission, or pushing him over the edge, or determining his decision. From your own personal past, you understand the fragility of sexual orientation. It seems to me you're afraid that by even mentioning homosexuality to your son, you'll tip the balance, and he'll become gay. Why, then, would it be an appalling error to ask him if he has gay thoughts or feelings, or however you might put it? As I said, she's big into denial as a way of life.ĪYour son has put the gay question on the agenda by accessing gay porn sites and having a relatively exclusive relationship with one male friend, who is gay. But while I've gently tried to touch on the possibility that our son could be gay too, I don't press the issue. My wife does suspect that this friend of our son's is gay, but is immensely fond of him, and he of her. I run hot and cold on the topic because I know that boys will throw shapes at that age. Some friends have now told me that this boy makes no secret of the fact that he's gay when with his peers, but that he has not come out at home. Looking back years later, I also realised how sexually charged young teenagers can be. I was abused as a young boy myself, and found the experience a strange mixture of fear and confusion. But I am wary that initial experiences may colour a boy's sexuality to some degree. I know boys may well experiment sexually, often with their mates, and have no problem with that. And I was always a tad concerned of any influence he might have on my son as they got older. To be honest, I've always strongly suspected that the mate was gay. They have been friends since childhood, play sports and music together, and sometimes hang out with others, usually girls. My kid looks up to him and doesn't have a great range of friends otherwise. This son's best mate is a lovely guy, whom we know very well. While she's the best in the world, my wife goes into denial about such issues when it comes to her kids. I didn't discuss the issue with my wife in any detail, other than to say that our son was accessing sites that were not appropriate on the computer. I tried to be frank, but not intrusive, and sought to leave leeway for him to talk then or later. I didn't lose my head or express shock or revulsion. I also said that while most boys might be curious and some might be uncertain of their own sexuality, sites like these were not going to be of any assistance to them in looking into these issues. Instead, I stuck with talking about porn sites, how they can be time bombs, how he could unintentionally open up sites that were illegal - meaning child pornography - and end up in very serious trouble. I didn't want to pigeon-hole him and didn't want him to do the same to himself either. I felt very uncomfortable with this episode and deliberately didn't pursue the gay content of the site as such. I asked him did he want to tell me anything and he said no. I asked him about it, but ducked out of mentioning the whole gay thing, hoping that he might open up to me. He was never as streetwise as his brothers, although he has brains to burn and does very well at school. The last one to use the computer was our middle son, then aged 15, but young for his age. It was gay men, going at it, with nothing left to the imagination: toned muscular young men having all kinds of sex with each other. Like most people, we have a computer, and two years ago, I turned it on and the usual list of sites came up, except one, which froze me - more for its bluntness than anything else. We talk and have a bit of fun usually, but no "meaning of life" stuff.
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We sit down almost every evening to a meal around the table, no TV allowed. My wife gave up working outside the home to look after the lads. We're not especially close, in that the kids don't really open up to us - unless there's an explosion, which is very rare indeed. We have our ups and downs, like any family. QI am married - very happily - with three sons, all in their late teens.